frog in training

whoa.

what is brave? i think
she's a coward. take some
risks.

words from 3 directions.

they give me that flight or flight feeling.

(yes, i know i repeated myself.)

they make my heart beat faster.

i almost feel like i'm about to cry.

my body wants to pace in circles.

my head says it would rather curl up into an invisible little ball.
and roll under the bed.
to hide.

i don't choose to fight.

it just happens.

even when i want to fly.

especially when i want to fly.

east, west and south.

notice...

north is missing.

north is the direction.
it's where we find ourself when we are lost.
on the road. in life.

north is courage.

north is guts. and boldness.

(sprinkled with a little bit of selective-selective memory, for good measure.)

north is belief in myself.

north is worthiness to accept the rewards.
and dignity to face the criticism.

north is knowing that none of that matters.
then adding a cup or 2 of gratitude, anyway.

this north cannot be found.
it needs to just be known.

once north is known

you can find your way out of

...or into...

anything.
anywhere.

i do know

(....in that know in your head, but can't/won't accept it into your heart kind of way...)

that learning to know north is part of my journey.

where can I buy a box of courage?
where's that wizard when you need him?

Adorable!

that's all i can say about the vocabulary fashion show we attended at school last night!

the premise: each 4th grader chose a word, created an outfit and wrote their own script and each chose a song to accompany their stroll down the runway. collin's word was groovy. he was.

he chose simon & garfunkel's 59th street bridge song (feeling groovy) for his accompaniment. the soundtrack was varied... we heard everything from "boris the spider" to fergie's glamorous to tchaikovsky.

the flowers? the first one was for me (surprise! i actually caught it when he tossed it my way!) and the other was for his best bud's mom. she was touched, of course.

i wish i could share pictures of some of the other kids, but i don't want to get myself into any legal trouble here...

great news from the school psychologist yesterday, too! his test scores reflect every advance we've seen (and then some!) it feels so good to be able to put him into that "normal development" category at long last. he still has some lags and is playing catch up in most areas, so he still qualifies for support for speech and reading assistance, but:

he speaks!
he reads!
he writes!
his IQ is within the "normal" range!

i'll know more after our IEP on thursday.

our major goals for him have been exceeded! i'm ecstatic.

Do you ever....

... get the urge to scrawl YOU SUCK!! upon hundreds of pages and mail them individually to certain members of your credit providing team?

I do.
I'm fighting it.
It's not easy until I think about the fact that I can't afford the stamps.

very cool quote

here

I need to love and support myself more.

Dear Home Depot

After my latest experience with yet another of the useless overpriced pieces of crap I purchased from one of your establishments, I have to wonder, to the point of actually taking the time to type this out, if selling overpriced pieces of crap was the goal you set at the beginning of operations. If so, feel free to consider your venture a full blown success.

My latest experience involves a washing machine that was purchased from your Ypsilanti store in November. Correction… involves TWO (2) washing machines that were purchased in November. The first one was returned because it was a piece of crap right out of the box.

I brought the brand spanking new GE washing machine (hereafter known as: piece of crap!) into my home, hooked it up to the water supply and tried to run a load of laundry. The washer would not complete that first cycle. THE VERY FIRST CYCLE! My options were to return the piece of crap, or wait 10 days for someone to come out and fix the piece of crap that didn’t work on it’s VERY FIRST LOAD! I opted to return the piece of crap, assuming that it was just a $452.60 piece of crap that would give me a lifetime of crap performance.

So, that piece of crap was disconnected, loaded back into our van and delivered back to your store for a prompt replacement. A prompt replacement was not available in your Ypsilanti store, so a prompt refund was requested. We (obviously wrongly) assumed that a prompt refund would be handled as promptly as our payment to you was. The payment was processed through my bank before the washer arrived in my home…. less than a 20 minute drive from your store. Quite prompt, if you ask me. The credit took almost a week to hit my account, which I don’t consider to be prompt, at all.

In the meantime, while we waited for that prompt credit, several checks and other transactions on our bank account were returned for non-sufficient funds. I had quite sufficient funds, except that The Home Depot in Ypsilanti didn’t process the $452.60 credit as promptly as they processed the $452.60 payment, which made me look like a rubber-check-writing-scumbag to other retailers and creditors. Thank you. I appreciate it. A whole bunch. I also really appreciate the $165 additional, in returned check charges, that the piece of crap ended up costing me due to either the promptness of your staff or the shadiness of a company policy that’s eager to take money for selling pieces of crap, but not so eager to return those funds when the product turns out to be…. surprise!…. a piece of crap.

Now, the replacement piece of crap, made by Whirlpool and purchased at another Home Depot store, turns out to be as big of a piece of crap as the first one. After only 2 months of successful operation, it chose this morning to crap out. I wonder how much my water bill will be after the piece of crap filled and simultaneously drained itself for over 2 hours?

More recently, we purchased a space heater, also from the location in Ypsilanti. It worked for a WHOLE week before it turned into a piece of crap by burning a hole in itself and nearly burning our house down. When we tried to return it, we were told that there was nothing wrong with it. My husband had to point out the GIANT hole burned through the bottom of the unit to your associate, who was also quite miffed that the box didn't come back with the heater. Unfortunately, there’s not much chance that you can resell that one as “new” to some unsuspecting sucker who doesn’t realize that you seem to sell only returned, repackaged items in your stores.

Currently, I’m anticipating the hot water heater, that we bought from your establishment the same day as the first piece of crap washing machine, to explode in my basement at any second. When it does, I’ll forward the bills and related expenses. Until then, I plan on keeping my distance from any big brick buildings with bright orange signs on top. It’s been a lovely relationship, but it’s time to end it.

Love,
The Springers
XOXO

cookies!

we made cookies today. well, *i* made cookies and the kids hounded me for samples and beaters.



this time 2 batches came out to be

(excuse me while I do the math: 5 x 12 = 60 + 8 = 68 and 6 x 12 = 72 + 7 = 79 and 68 + 79 means that i ate a whole bunch of dough out of that first batch, and = 147.)

147 cookies!

Let's see if they last past Thursday.



update: GONE before thursday was over.

Aren't friends amazing?

i've been more than a little stressed about life lately. it's been that kind of stress that wounds my ego, zaps my hopes, kills my dreams and makes me hide from the phone and unexpected knocking at the door. the kind that makes me wish to be invisible.

always, in my darkest times, a little ray of hope named laura (lolo, if you're part of the popular crowd) arrives to brighten things.

she provides the silver wings of my escape, pillows soft as clouds to refresh my dreams and the space to renew my hope. these aren't the only things she provides, they are just a few of the things that fall under the title of: bestest buddy and life long pal.

it's only when she steals me away that i have a chance to not think; to forget it all for a little while and just be me; not the disgruntled wife, irritated mother, exasperated daughter, or frustrated human, that plagues my real, everyday existence.

when i'm with her, my mind drifts to recollections of acidic gas, and president gas, postal trucks, horse-faced girls, border refusals, popsicle parking and the better: snack bar. bridges, tunnels and canadian beer. and that ouzo will eat the paint off a car when mixed with stomach bile. i recall a truck from ohio full of boys showing their asses.... and keeping their socks! i recall murder and mayhem touching our lives, so much heartache... and canadian cops that don't like vodka & oj when it's thrown at them by angry american brats. lady bugs, and blue hornets and horny friends better left in the past. i laugh. i remember. i forget the troubles of today and realize that this is what makes a life: getting through it and making a memory for tomorrow.

i will laugh until my gut hurts. i will play until i collapse from exhaustion. i will eat until i'm stuffed and i will sleep until i'm me, again. and throughout this journey, i will remember how to dream and return to hope.

i have the best of everything... friend and gift... all in one.

work in progress

work in progress
Originally uploaded by merckury

i started this before christmas and have been working at it a little at a time since.

it's a copy-cat design. not my original work... just something regurgitated from someone else's brain and imagination, but I like coloring best, so it's all good.

my imagination is lacking these days...
no sunshine + too much sugar + too much stress + too much sleep = not much energy

these things make my brain foggy.

(i wish i could recall the artist's name, or I'd give credit where credit is due. blame it on the brain fog.)

oh, christmas trees! oh, christmas trees!

we decorated the trees last night. the kids and i did.

they played pack mule with the boxes of decorations, while i directed traffic.

maybe now that we have this done, i can catch the spirit.

it was a good idea when i got it a few years ago:
3 small artificial trees. 3 small non-artificial children.
it's a good ratio.

the trees are small, less small and slightly bigger-sized; so are the kids, so each kid gets to decorate their very own tree, with their very own ornaments.

but times change.

the little guy's not happy with his tiny shrub now that he's taller than the tree. he says it shrunk since last year; he doesn't realize how much he's grown. he's also made so many ornaments at school, that his shrub won't hold them all anymore. and he wanted to use them all!

the other 2 are happy. once the trees are on the table, they're taller than they are.

except one kid is taller than the little guy's shrub, even on the table.

and that's a reason to tease.


photo: riley's first christmas ornament

finished

thank you

beeswax collage.

Thank you Suzi Blu for reminding me of the beauty of beeswax.

ooooh! pretty!

yesterday's pink fluffy sunrise

class of '59

class of '59
Originally uploaded by merckury

i found a stack of old high school graduation pictures at mom's house and asked if i could borrow them. as usual, the question of "what the hell for?" came up. "just for fun" is my standard answer.

this was some of the fun.

i *heart* sunbeams

Originally uploaded by merckury

a recent picture of moi, playing in a sunbeam.

something i've done since i was a little girl... errr, younger girl... since i'm still a little girl at heart. and also in stature.

there's no place like home.

a couple of little house i created not long ago. it seems to be a theme lately. home.

just beautiful...

the positive & negative

so it's one of THOSE fridays, again. spelling test day.
except that it wasn't. it was yesterday. i missed it.

i know i wrote the latest schedule down right. i know i heard correctly when she said that they had reading festival, but that we'd work the test in anyway. i know i never saw the sheet she waved in front of my face with the dates of march 9 and march 22. the one that i saw showed march 8 (which was a 1/2 day, no school on march 9), and march 23. i wrote it down. i checked before i wrote it. i checked again after i wrote it. i checked again before i pitched the paper. the date was easy. it's mom's birthday.

but she told me....

i'm scared of the red ink!

i have to go to the school today and give a spelling test. that's easy enough, as long as i can keep the little buggers calm & quiet through the process.

...but I have to see "the sarge".

(that's the name we've given this year's 3rd grade teacher. it fits beautifully.)

why am i scared? because i accidentally blew off the last test and got a little red ink nasty gram from her that wasn't really for me specifically (but it applied to me) about letting her know if we can't make it.

i thought they outlawed teachers using red ink?

oooh, we're cool....

i've been passing this sign for quite a while now. i still don't know what it means, but it's time i found out.



from the looks of things,
the program has been a real success. < < sarcasm